H O P S C O T C H

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2011-03-06

Reading through old entries dating back in 2002, the year I started hanging out with Russ. So much time and so many conversations ago. So many apartments and houses in different cities with jobs that didn't seem to fit me. 3.5 degrees ago.

My early twenties self was so OCD, obsessed about boys and the seeds of possibilities, anxious about everything and everyone.

There has been some growth. Do we get new lives every seven years? I don't have to fake purpose but it's hard to live in truth and honesty through all my actions everyday. Honesty being a way to repel those things and people that take too much energy to maintain and even just 'like.' I do know myself a little better but learning more all the time.

I know that I thrive on human communication and exchange of ideas, especially those ideas that are buried and forgotten, those ideas that speak to a truth. I love just listening, I still have a hard time being generous with my words and talking about myself.

Finishing up my fourth year as an academic librarian and getting ready to go back to school to become a 7-12 Integrated Language Arts teacher. Right now, I spend many of my days in a cubicle working on spreadsheets, reviewing data in a queue, cataloging websites and documenting practices.

On good days, I get to teach classes and work on the reference desk, even do chat reference. One of the best questions, "Why is Chuck Norris so awesome?" Basically, I love the unpredictability of people and relating to them. It's an extra bonus when you can actually help them in some way.

I'm on track to buy a duplex or double as they're called in Cleveland for an investment property that will hopefully help me generate some income while I'm going to school full-time starting in May once I quit my job.

I've never felt more sure about these new directions. Investing in urban neighborhoods, volunteering my time to youth, taking public transportation; in whole, shifting to a life of simplicity and service.

I remember applying for library science programs and picking library science just because I needed to pick something because these low-paying jobs were driving me crazy...I might as well make a little more money and be driven crazy. Also at the time, I was motivated to apply because libraries in my mind were an agent of social justice. I don't feel a part of that leveling engine right now but I do know public libraries help fill the gaps for people in need everyday.

If there was a way, I would become a different type of librarian if the jobs were there but they aren't.

There is for sure more certainty and knowledge in this thirty-something self of mine but just as many questions about whether or not I'm doing the right thing with my life. But things are good overall.



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