H O P S C O T C H

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2005-11-27


The picture of Jonathan Safran Foer in the back of "Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close" looks like the faces of old boyfriends rolled into one, those who wanted to be writers.

And I am glad sometimes that things didn't turn out. Can you be thankful for the big heartache? That it happened to you.

Here and there there's emails from past ghosts: Are you out there? Are you still breathing? What are you thinking? Especially this year, after years of pause in the working world.

I don't feel as if there's as much to offer them. I have my everdayness. I reply and they take it and that's it. There's confusion about just what to feel as if you could catalog these emotions into neat drawers to be taken out at the appropriate time in the future.

These far away notions are stuffed in a small, black lock box. Though it may not be true, I fear they threaten my livelihood in this present life I live.



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