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2004-12-27

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Things have calmed some since I haven't been dragging words behind each event that has happened as of late. Yesterday, for a brief second I was really truly able to just be a small animal...getting away from all the petty turmoil and self questioning as of late. Should I write this essay or apply here? Should I be that or this? Should I call this person or that person? Why should I plan everything?
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I have been questioning whether in the past I have not been brilliant but rather manic and disconnected in my thoughts. Making sense of nonsense...thinking I'm writing but still not really communicating. And maybe that is why I have just needed to stop.

It would be nice to maybe just let things happen for a while. To just pass through loveliness as it happens. Can you believe it?! My third Christmas as a wife. And it is such an easy love between us. Even having kids seems more fathomable every day, though I wish it wasn't so much of a decision but a happening.

So this is life.