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2004-07-13 There are these quieter lessons still. I am learning the damage of stonewalling yourself from your surroundings and people. That being shyly quiet doesn't mean faultless. It's this kind of self-deception that keeps one stagnant, refusing to be involved in one's crises and even life. I see this in my mother, the shyest adult I know. She has never meekly raised concern in any sort of situation, let alone fought for anything. She avoids confrontation or heavier conversation. My mother can't say no. As a result she works 60 to 70 hour weeks at two different jobs. She has been doing this for at least 10 years. In fact, she's training at a third, new job this week while she is on her vacation from her full-time position. She can't say no to new payment books that come as soon as the last one's leave. She can't say no to her long commute stacked on top of her long hours as a medical waitress, otherwise known as nurse. There are complications that I probably don't see but there are such obvious no-brainers like this. My father has had his faults but I see him trying. His short frame is 50 pounds lighter than last summer since giving up drinking. I know that he and my youngest sister in high school basically take care of the house on their own. My mother, though in the medical profession, claims to not believe in marriage counseling. Doesn't believe she's ever done anything wrong. I think that she may need even individual support. It is very hard to see my parents break apart these fragile existences into something more bitter and poorer. |