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2003-12-01 Just back from Ohio as of yesterday. A breath of fresh air. A lightness in meeting people on the street. Even going to Borders not the same pretentiousness sometimes encountered in the grocery stores here. People are so heavy hearted and closed here. Running the same roads down into tunnels. We have a few more weeks here in Vermont. Everyone's scrambling for a plan, this or that weekend. A caravan of trucks. Weather always permitting. I feel called back west, hoping that Rue lands a school in Cleveland or Pittsburgh. Case or Carnegie Mellon. Home sick with a warmly sick vertigo and rough stomach; conveniently after the drive my cheeks flushed sanguine as a hugged a huge orange tupperware bowl. I appreciate the rest I'm permitted with even when health is used as the brake instead of my own conscience. My parents are sweet and always home in their doings. They don't go out, there's nowhere to go really except occassionally to these critter clubs for a drink with someone they think they've known for too long in a town they've been in too long. Sometimes the small towns small people small minds motto applies there because we are too much in our own houses for our whole livees. This is the only thing that sinks my heart sometimes. Everyone that learns anything brings it elsewhere instead of back home. This is the call, to bring something back after all this practice here, but I see my town just keeping in their houses all the same with others who have tried and left town just the same. It is conflict. But I know still I won't be around town for any period of time for at least a few years to come. Still learning enough to go back and stay put. |