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2003-09-14 It was just after a too long week of lip biting and welly wet but dry enough eyes at work, just frustrating, meaningless work. Turning on the television to biographies of buildings. Having all my extra time usurped at night with engagements. But then Johnny Cash died and I said "oooohhhh" outloud in my cubicle and Russ picked me up and hugging me outside we fell against the house, crushing my hand. And I couldn't hold it in anymore and just starting bawling. And watching unstrung heros i bawled again. And today in his arms bawling again with Johnny Cash's voice in my head with so much darkness and a seeming repeat of next week tomorrow. It feels so odd to feel so much sorrow so suddenly off kilter, and he checks my heart to see that it's beating so fast for no reason at all. I feel so close. Later: An awkward message from my dad when I get back. He never calls without reason or some sort of bad news. I hate the anticipation. I'm not very adult, as he would say. |